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Autistic depressive Manic Mother's Day

This was a very bad Mother's Day for me; I realized I cannot go out to gatherings with the family much but yet I still try and today I ruined both my mom and my sisters Mother's Day. Sometimes I wonder why the Gods keep me going the few times I tried to take the cowards way out or got in a life or situation which happened too often. I swear I often wonder why I was even born when all my dad and mom's kids at first did not survive except but I guess that's why I am all messed up because she is way to bipolar and my dad is way to depressive and OCD so I am nothing but a mess who can't do normal family things...

I guess I am better off staying home because all my comfort zones are no more...

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